Mother's Day

   Emily died in the middle of winter, just as the new year began. She had struggled, fought against the inevitable, and finally gave up.  She wasn't afraid, she was tired.
  The loss of a child leaves a gaping hole in a mother's heart that may not be visible to anyone else, but casts a shadow on every aspect of life. In the spring, life had returned to what ever state normal would now be without Emily. Cooking and cleaning, laundry and shopping, work and church all fell into a routine.
  On Mother's Day, I was driving over backroads to work when I drove past two little handmade white wooden crosses stuck in the dirt by the side of the road. I had seen them as often as I drove by them.  Girls names, and dates that told me they were young when they died in this spot, were printed in black paint and stood out ...today, of all days.  I thought to myself, "Well, there are 2 mothers whose Mother's Day will never be the same... "
   Even as I thought about those mothers, and others who have experienced loss, it occurred to me that I was among them.  I was jolted as I realized that my Mother's Day would never be the same either!
   Suddenly a voice, Emily's voice, in her whispery, halting inflexion spoke clearly.  In my heart?  In the car?  Was it real?  I'm not sure, but it was her voice and her words, " Hap-py Moth-ers Day, Ma-Ma Bear."

Time passing

Tomorrow is Dana's birthday. She has been reminding us daily for three weeks. She will be forty four.... I find it hard to believe that so many years have passed since her birth. I told her I would never forget January 19th 1967, I was there!! "You were?", she was incredulous!
Yes, my darling daughter, I was there. And, I remember it like yesterday. I worked all day at the store-front mental health clinic, taped a TV talk show in Buffalo, NY with labor pains beginning to get very uncomfortable, and the took a bus to the hospital.
I remember being embarrassed to be caught wearing men's tighty whiteys, which I found to be more comfortable because of the wide waist band. I was pretty scared, and I was pretty alone.
As labor progressed through through the night, I could hear other women screaming and crying, and was determined not to do likewise.
I look back at how young and how dumb I was, and shake my head. When the nurse and the doctor were having me bear down and push, my water finally broke, and when they reflexively jumped back, I was close to histeria thinking that the babies head had popped off!!! What did I know!!
About five AM, my baby girl was born, and my life has never been the same.
Dana's disabilities were not apparent at first. When she was nine months old the seizures began, and she lost her vision. When the team of medical professionals finished evaluating her, and the diagnosis of Tuberous Sclerosis was made, the only suggestion they had for me was to place her in an institution and go on with my life. There were no special education or early intervention programs back then. How times have changed!
Ten years later, after Michael and I had been married, and he adopted both Dana and Aaron, we looked into adoption to complete our family circle. It is because of Dana that we were able to consider a special needs child, and that's how the story of our family began. We knew the joy that these kids bring to the world, it was an easy decision... Over and over again!
So, I celebrate forty three years of her life and of the lives, including my own, that have been so blessed as a result of her disabilities. It is so true, when God closes adoor, he opens a window. The view from this window has been absolutely fabulous!
Yes, Dana, I was there; and I am still here and hope I will be here to celebrate with you for many more.
Happy Birthday.